Personal Responsibility

Yeah, I know it sucks, but when it comes right down to it, the only person responsible for your happiness is…you.

You are the only one who can ever make you happy. And guess what? You are the only one who can make you unhappy, too! Why? Because there is always a choice about how you respond to any given situation. That’s what personal response-ability means. It is the ability to respond in a way that serves your purpose.

So now I’m going to tell you something you might not like to hear:

The only thing stopping you from getting what you want, is your story for why you can’t have it. What that means is, the things you are so convinced are true, are the very same things that are preventing you from changing your approach, and getting a better result.

Last night there were fireworks in my home. My girlfriend’s daughter and I had a difference of opinion over what time an eleven year old should go to bed. Of course, she tried everything she could think of in order to get her way, but in the end, she didn’t get what she wanted. Not only that, but she made things even worse for herself by slamming things around, and now her cell phone has been taken as well.

As I was thinking about how to help her get back on track this morning, I was wondering if she really understood what the problem is. And then it occurred to me that her problem is the same thing that at all my clients are struggling with. Its the problem they all have in common, and it’s the essence of what they have all hired me to help them solve:

“How can I consistently make the choices that will get me what I want?”

In fact, anyone who ever wants to accomplish anything, will always face this challenge…

• A person who wants to lose weight must consistently make the choices that will get them there.
• A person who wants to make a million dollars must consistently make the choices that will get them there.
• A person who wants to compete in the olympics, learn a musical instrument, get a scholarship, buy a new car, get clean and sober, have a better relationship…
  all must consistently make the choices that will ultimately get them what they want.

Just like a little girl who is pouting about her bed time, must now consistently make the choices that will allow her to stay up later.

But her story is, she doesn’t have to listen to me because I am not her father. That’s the reason that she keeps on repeating to herself over and over in her head. Heck, she’s even screaming it at the top of her lungs to convince anyone else who will listen! In the moment of her anger, do you think she feels it’s true? Do you think she believes her reasons are totally valid? Do you think she really believes the story that she is telling herself? You betchyerass she does!

According to her, the reason she can’t have her cell phone, is because her mom’s boyfriend is really mean and there’s nothing she can do about it. That’s her story. That’s her reason for why she can’t get what she wants. And as long she keeps on sticking to her story, then she’s right. There’s is nothing she can do. And it’s a really big challenge for her, because right now she is every bit as certain that her reasons are valid, as you are convinced that your reasons are valid, too.

I repeat. The only thing stopping you from getting what you want, is your story for why you can’t have it.

Remember that response ability, is the ability to respond in a way that serves your purpose. And remember that nothing has any meaning, except the meaning you choose to give it. So what you really want to ask yourself is…

“What meaning can I give it,

to take the actions that I must,

to get the results that I desire?”

MH